See How Not to Be the Target of a Workplace Bully

See How Not to Be the Target of a Workplace Bully See How Not to Be the Target of a Workplace Bully Bullies appear everywhere. The bully is no longer just the mean kid who steals school lunch money; the bully is likely the mean VP who sets his target on an employee. Many people are bullied over their lifetimes. Some people seem to have a target on their backs. If youre one of those people, there are things you can do to reduce your chances of being the victim the next time a bully crosses your path. Be confident, but not prideful. Your manager hired you because you are the best person for the job. She  undoubtedly interviewed numerous people and rejected many more people without taking the time to interview them. This means you can walk into a new job with your head held high. You also know squat about this job. Sure, you may have experience in this area, but every new company and every new department is different. Dont be so confident that you reject advice or refuse to ask questions. Youll need training, no matter what - even if youre the new head of the department, but go into that training confident that youll learn what you need to know. Speak up immediately. While its good to give people the benefit of the doubt, if youre usually a target, dont let anything pass. When someone makes a snide remark about your clothing, your presentation, or anything at all, speak up. If the bully says it in your presence, immediately respond with, “Jane, if there is something that bothers you about my presentation style, Ill happily discuss it with you.” This response will often shut the bully down,  as youre not cowering before her. You need  to take your boss (or your bosss boss) commenting on your performance, or even your outfit, as advice to follow. Its a bosss job to correct your errors and help you improve. If a coworker starts down this path, though, cut the coworker off. You can add, “Jane, thanks for your concern, but my boss likes my work.” Then walk off. If another co-worker tells you that Jane is saying bad things about you, you have to ask yourself which person is the problem. It might seem obvious that its Jane, but what was your coworkers goal in telling you? You can take it as a very nice warning, or it could be to set you up against Jane. Make your evaluation carefully. If you decide that it was a nice warning, then thank your coworker and go to Jane directly. “Jane, Steve tells me that you have concerns about my presentation style. In the future, feel free to come to me directly with your concerns.” If you decide that your coworker is trying to set you up against Jane, reply, “Thanks for letting me know.” Thats it. The discussion  doesnt go any further. You will frustrate your bully coworker because youre not freaking out. Dont try to suck up to the bully. Its possible to become part of the bullys inner circle, but the problem with that is, you then become a bully instead of the bullied. While that might make it easier for you to climb the career ladder, it comes at the cost of your integrity. Plus, if you fall out of favor, the bully wont have any qualms about attacking you later on. Dont overshare. American culture is pretty open, but when you start a new job and immediately dump all of your baggage at your coworkers feet, dont be surprised when they throw it back in your face. People cant tease you about what they dont know. You dont have to keep your entire life a secret, but wait until you know people better and can trust them before dumping information. Ask questions. “What makes you say that?” is a great question when someone says something snotty. Dont act upset by it, just act confused. Force the bully to keep explaining herself until she gives up and goes away. “Youre shoes are awful!” “Oh, what makes you say that?” “Well, they are out of style!” “How so?” “Theyre brown, and its summer!” “Is there a rule about that? Where can I find it?” Just keep going on. Dont play the victim. Sometimes sarcastic remarks are just sarcastic. Sometimes criticism is just criticism. Sometimes feedback is plain, run-of-the-mill feedback. Sometimes the person youve identified as a bully isnt actually a bully, but your reaction makes you feel that way. Sometimes teasing is a sign that youre part of the group. Pay attention to how others react to the same type of teasing. If everyone else is laughing, it may be funny. There is a difference between mean and funny. Dont confuse the two. You can speak up when the remark is mean, but if its just funny let it go. Keep in mind that sometimes people say something that is mean but they truly believe it is funny. These are nice people and a one-time correction usually does the trick. Go to your boss or HR. If the problem is severe and pervasive, you can get help within the company. Good bosses will stop bullying immediately. Bad ones will let it thrive. A good HR manager will help you learn tricks and tips for handling the bully. If you choose this route, do so matter-of-factly and not over emotionally. Emotions make you look weak. Feel free to cry when you get home, but keep a straight face at the office. Seek professional outside help. If youre always the victim, its quite possible that you are doing something that others do not do. It will be worth the time and money to sit down with a therapist who can help you learn how to behave differently so that others react differently.   Many companies have Employee Assistance Programs  (EAP) that can refer you for help. Often, the company will cover the cost of the initial visit. Its confidential, so you dont need to worry about your manager finding out. - - - - - - - - - - - - Suzanne Lucas is a freelance journalist specializing in Human Resources. Suzannes work has been featured on notes publications including Forbes, CBS, Business Insider and Yahoo.